


Marked Out In Black

by Soulstoned



Series: Silver is the new Gold [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Discussion of Abortion, Future Fic, M/M, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27290155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulstoned/pseuds/Soulstoned
Summary: Yuri and Otabek have their lives all planned out. Their list of goals and plans has a special place on their refrigerator door and any time they achieve one they mark it out.This wasn't supposed to happen yet.
Relationships: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Series: Silver is the new Gold [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992601
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76
Collections: Otayuri Week 2020, Writing Rainbow Black





	Marked Out In Black

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WretchedArtifact](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WretchedArtifact/gifts).



> I started writing this for Writing Rainbow Black and didn't finish it on time, so I decided to dust it off for Otayuri Week. I hope you enjoy it! This is a prequel to "A Message In Yellow"

Yuri sinks to the floor of the bathroom with a groan, still staring down at the positive pregnancy test in his hand. He only took it because he's been sick a lot lately and he thought it would be an easy thing to rule out before going to the doctor. It wasn't supposed to be positive.

It's not that he's been careful, but until now it never really occurred to him that he should be. Not all men are capable of conception and even those who are usually take years of concentrated effort and the aid of fertility drugs to make it actually happen. An accidental male pregnancy is practically unheard of. 

Unfortunately for Yuri, he has always been exceptional.

He pulls himself up off of the floor and walks out of the bathroom with the test still clutched in his hand. He takes a deep breath as he approaches the couch where Otabek is sitting and watching the opening of the NHK Trophy. It's the last event before this year’s Grand Prix Final. Both of them have already guaranteed their spots in the final by placing high in their own qualifying events, and they were planning to watch the final qualifying round together tonight to see who the competition is going to be.

Yuri is at a loss for words. He probably should have said something before he took the test. He bought it on his way home from practice after getting sent home early for the second time in the same week and was planning to take it first thing in the morning when it would be the most accurate, but then once he got it home he couldn't concentrate on anything else. 

He takes a moment to imagine an alternate universe a few years in the future. They're both retired and they've been planning this for a while. Otabek sits with him as they wait for the results and they're both so happy they can hardly stand it when the second line shows up in the test window. That's how he saw himself starting his family, not this.

Instead he's twenty and just recently back on track after his final growth spurt. He hasn't had any major injuries and his winning streak doesn't feel like it's anywhere close to over. Retirement should still be pretty far away. Taking a step back right now feels like career suicide, and that's before even getting into his concerns about parenthood. It's not like he grew up with the best examples. Having a baby right now is a terrible idea from nearly every objective standpoint.

On the other hand, what if this is a fluke and it never happens again? Would he be able to deal with knowing he missed his chance?

Otabek looks up from the couch as Yuri approaches. "You were in there for a while, are you still sick?" he asks.

This is Otabek's problem too, Yuri reminds himself. Something about seeing him just sitting on the couch without a care in the world makes Yuri feel angry in a way he knows is irrational. How is it fair that he’s the one stuck with the consequences when it could've just as easily happened the other way around? He throws the stick at Otabek. "Look what you did to me you jerk," he shouts, glaring down at him and crossing his arms over his chest as Otabek looks up at him in surprise. 

"What did I do?" Otabek asks, feeling around the couch to see what Yuri just threw at him. He picks it up to see what Yuri is shouting about and stares down at it in confusion for a moment before the realization hits and his face breaks into a smile. He looks up at Yuri, clearly elated by the news before quickly schooling his face back into a neutral expression at the sight of Yuri still glaring down at him.

"So, what do you want to do?" Otabek asks carefully, not wanting to upset Yuri by jumping to the wrong conclusion.

"I don't know, I didn't expect this to happen!" Yuri shouts as he feels tears start to gather in his eyes. He's not sure if they're coming from fear or rage.

Otabek reaches for his hand and pulls him down onto the couch. The television is now completely forgotten as he wraps his arms around Yuri and holds him as he cries. "We don't have to decide anything today," he says. "We have time."

"Why did this have to happen now?" Yuri asks. Otabek doesn't attempt to answer, he just holds Yuri close until he finally starts to calm down. 

"We have about a week until the final, how about you take that time to think about it and then we'll do whatever you decide once we get back home," Otabek says.

"You want it, don't you?" Yuri asks. It was clear from the look on Otabek's face when he saw the test, but he has to be sure.

Otabek looks pained. "It doesn't matter what I want, you're the one more affected."

Yuri groans in frustration. "That's not an answer!"

"I want what you want," Otabek says, looking uneasy. "You know this isn't up to me."

"You're the worst," Yuri says. He storms into the bedroom to grab his skates and stomp out the door toward the rink.

It isn't a fight exactly, Yuri just needs time alone to clear his head and cool down before it turns into one and skating is the best way he knows to do that. Yakov retired a couple years ago and Victor and Yuuri took on his remaining skaters. Together they almost make a competent coach. 

Mila’s practice time should have just ended and with any luck the rink will be empty. He slips in through the open door and is quickly reminded that evenings are public skating time. The rink is filled with a mix of novice skaters and absolute beginners still holding onto the rails. He isn’t going to get any quality practice or alone time like this. He laces up his skates anyway, not wanting to go back home just yet and goes out onto the ice to do some basic laps and warm up moves. 

Yuri knows Otabek means well with his refusal to make a decision, but he also knows what it’s like to have parents that didn’t want him. He doesn’t want to put any more thought into what it might be like to continue this pregnancy unless he is completely sure that Otabek wants this. Yuri told himself a long time ago that if he ever has a kid it will be because he and the other dad are both one hundred percent on board. If there is any uncertainty from either of them there will be no baby.

Yuri and Otabek planned their whole lives out two years ago when long distance got too hard. It felt like a very adult discussion at the time, making sure they were both in agreement or able to compromise when it came to major life choices before making the huge leap of moving in together. They keep the list prominently displayed on the fridge, marking out each new milestone in black as they go. There were big decisions, like deciding they would train in St. Petersburg and retire in Almaty. Yuri didn’t care about marriage but it was important to Otabek so they decided it would happen eventually when the time felt right. They agreed that after they were both retired they would look into having kids and see if it would be a possibility for them. Then there were the smaller things like places to see on vacation, medals to win, projects to finish.

They never discussed what they would do if one of them got pregnant ahead of schedule or had to take an extended break from skating, looking back now that feels like a pretty massive oversight. They had been so optimistic that as long as they had a plan everything would go perfectly. 

It feels like barely any time has passed at all, but when Yuri looks up at the clock on the rink wall it has already been two hours. The NHK trophy should be over by now and Otabek is probably starting to get worried. He spends the short walk home trying to think through what he wants to say. 

When he gets home Otabek gives a sigh of relief "I was worried you decided not to come home," he says.

"I just needed to clear my head," Yuri says as he drops his skate bag down next to the door and shuffles past Otabek toward the couch.

Otabek looks apologetic as he follows him and sits down. "I know it isn't fair to make you decide alone, I just don't want to accidentally pressure you into a decision you aren't going to be happy with. What I want most is for you to be happy," Otabek says.

Yuri sighs. "You aren't pressuring me. I just don't want to have a kid with someone who doesn't also want that kid. I don't know what I want yet, but if you don't want it, that's all I need to know to decide. If you do want it I have some more thinking to do."

Otabek answers quietly. "I want it."

"I thought so," Yuri says. "Even though we planned to be retired and living in Almaty before we started thinking about kids?"

"We can make it work. It would be easier if we were older and retired and living near my family, but when have we ever done anything the easy way?"

"I need some time to think. I don’t know what I want yet, but I’ll try to decide by the time we get back home from the Grand Prix Final. There's not enough time to do anything about it before then anyway,” Yuri says.

The rest of the evening is a little awkward, with both dancing around the subject as they eat dinner and plan for the upcoming competition. Yuri can’t remember a time that he’s seen Otabek spend so much time reading on his phone. He barely touches social media and he usually prefers to read books on paper like some kind of old man. Yuri gets the uncomfortable feeling that he might just be trying to avoid further conversation.

It comes as a relief when they go to bed and Otabek wraps his arms around him like he always does before drifting off to sleep.

Yuri wakes up the next morning later than usual and feels nauseous enough that he doesn’t want to move. It’s almost time for his practice to start but all he wants to do is pull the covers over his head and try to wait out the sickness. Otabek quietly walks back into the room holding a shopping bag and a bottle of water, “Oh good, you’re awake,” he says.

Yuri just groans and pulls the covers up further. “I was doing some reading last night and I think I have something that might help if you’re feeling sick again,” Otabek says as he sits on the edge of the bed. 

Yuri slowly peeks out of the covers, careful not to move too fast and upset his stomach further. “What is it?” he asks.

“Bland snacks throughout the day are supposed to help, the site said morning sickness is worse on an empty stomach,” Otabek says as he pulls a box of crackers out of the bag. 

“I don’t think this is part of my meal plan,” Yuri says as he grudgingly sits up and opens a sleeve of the crackers. 

“I think it'll be okay for now, it has to be better than not keeping anything down,” Otabek says as he reaches back into the bag to retrieve a bottle of prenatal vitamins. “This doesn’t have to mean you’re keeping it,” he says as he sits the bottle on the nightstand. 

Yuri eats a few of the crackers and slowly sips on the water that was offered before pulling his blankets back to get out of bed. “I guess we should get going,” he says.

“Are you sure you feel up to it?" Otabek asks.

"It's not like I have much choice, the final is in less than a week and I need all the practice I can get," Yuri says as he gets dressed to start the day.

"Would a later practice slot help? We could talk to Victor and Yuuri…" Otabek says.

"No. Absolutely not. We're not telling anyone about this until after the final, and even then we're only telling them if we decide to keep it," Yuri says.

"We don't have to tell them why, we could just say you haven't been sleeping well and a late practice might be more effective," Otabek says.

It's not a terrible lie and trading for Mila’s afternoon slot really would be easier. Yuri knows that technically morning sickness can happen at any time of the day, but so far he has been lucky enough for his own to fizzle out by lunch time.

"That might work since it's just for the rest of the week," Yuri concedes.

Starting the next day they have a new routine that starts much later with Yuri trading rink time with Mila. His coaches and rinkmates are clearly starting to seem concerned, but they're mostly willing to let Yuri work through things himself since he won't explain what's really going on. 

Over the course of the week they mostly avoid talking about it aside from a very awkward moment when Otabek insists on changing Potya's litter box. Yuri eats his crackers or some dry toast in the mornings and takes a prenatal vitamin at night. Otabek spends a lot of time looking up what to expect and how to help on his phone when he doesn't think Yuri is paying attention. He isn’t subtle at all but Yuri chooses not to acknowledge it so he can just focus on getting through the final.  
The final this year is in Beijing and Yuri spends most of the flight there asleep in the window seat. They will have the evening and all of the following day to rest up and prepare for the competition. 

When they arrive at the hotel they spot an exhausted JJ pacing around outside trying to entertain his son who is strapped to him in a baby carrier looking wide awake. Yuri will never admit it out loud, but he’s glad JJ made it this year. Winning last year didn’t quite feel fair after JJ rushed home between the short program and the free skate, just narrowly making it home in time for the premature birth of his son. He ended up missing the rest of the season after that.

JJ spots them and waves. “How was your flight?” he asks.

“Probably better than yours,” Yuri says.

JJ laughs. “You aren’t kidding, you didn’t like the plane at all, did you buddy?” JJ says, redirecting his attention back to the baby who seems to be in a perfectly good mood now. 

“You look like you’re about to crash. Where’s Isabella?” Otabek asks.

“She’s getting some sleep since she’ll be the one up with him through the competition.”

“I’m surprised you decided to bring him, that’s an all day flight,” Otabek says.

“My sister offered to watch him for me, but I didn’t want to miss his birthday,” JJ says.

Yuri watches uneasily as Otabek and JJ continue to catch up, talking mostly about JJ’s baby and adventures in fatherhood. After a few minutes he lets Otabek know that he’s going to go inside and check in. 

Yuri sits on the bed in their hotel room with a sigh, He has been trying very hard the past few days to just pretend everything is normal but he doesn’t think he can watch Otabek with a baby right now when he isn’t sure yet if he’s going to be willing to give him what he wants. Seeing JJ kind of freaked him out, he hadn’t even considered what it would be like to take a baby on a long flight or miss out on sleep leading up to a competition. He won’t even be able to make the same choice to have the other parent do the majority of the childcare while he competes because Otabek will be competing too.

On the other hand, if a baby can turn out that cute even with JJ’s genes, imagine how cute their own baby could end up being. Yuri has seen Otabek with kids before, he has a niece and nephew back in Kazakhstan and there has never been any doubt in Yuri’s mind that Otabek is going to make a great dad someday, he just isn’t sure if he wants that day to be soon.

He had hoped to have a decision before his doctor’s appointment the day after they get back home, but the more he thinks about it the clearer it becomes that he has no fucking clue what he wants. 

He’s still deep in thought when he hears the door click open. “They gave me a key at the front desk, are you okay?” Otabek asks as he strides over to the bed and sits down next to Yuri.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking,” Yuri says.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Otabek asks.

“No, but we probably should,” Yuri says. “How did you know you were ready? You knew what you wanted right away and I still can’t decide.”

“I’ve always wanted kids with you, the timing was less important. Waiting until after retirement would be the practical option, but I also know that as long as we’re in it together we can make anything work,” Otabek says.

“What if I’m not ready? What if I can’t go through with it?” Yuri asks.

Otabek reaches over and takes Yuri’s hand. “Then I’ll hold your hand through the abortion and we’ll be more careful until you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Yuri says. “I’m going to try to get some more sleep now, I feel like shit.”

“That sounds like a good idea, I’m tired too,” Otabek says, reaching over to turn out the light.

“Can you imagine flying this far with a baby? It’s insanity,” Yuri says.

“Ours would be due in the summer, so at least we wouldn’t have to decide between bringing them across the world or missing their birthday,” Otabek says.

“You did the math?” Yuri asks.

“It wasn’t very hard math, or very exact since we don’t even know how far along you are.”

Yuri gives a grunt of acknowledgement before pulling the covers up and trying to get comfortable. 

\--------------------------

When the morning of the short program comes, Yuri feels sicker than ever before. “Is there anything I can do to help?” Otabek asks, kneeling next to Yuri on the bathroom floor to hold his hair back as he empties his stomach for the third time today. 

“Not unless you have a time machine,” Yuri says as he pushes himself off the floor and makes his way over to the sink to clean up. “You should go back out there, it’s almost your turn.”

Otabek looks torn, but with the sound of Leo’s music coming to an end he knows he has to get out there. He gives Yuri’s hand a squeeze before turning to walk back toward the rink.

Yuri turns back to the mirror and sighs. He looks as bad as he feels. He combs his hair and washes his face again, but it doesn’t do anything to hide how pale he looks or the dark circles under his eyes. It’s going to have to do for now because he’s on right after Otabek. 

He steps out of the bathroom and makes his way over to the side of the rink where Victor and Yuuri are standing just in time to catch the second half of Otabek’s short program. It’s nearly flawless. Victor joins Otabek in the kiss and cry while Yuuri stays behind to help Yuri get ready to go on. “Are you sure you’re okay? We’ve been worried about you,” Yuuri says as he takes Yuri’s team Russia jacket. 

“I’m fine, I just need to get through the next few minutes then I can go be miserable for the rest of the day,” Yuri says as he bends down to remove his skate guards, trying to ignore how the motion makes his head spin.

“You know Victor and I are always here if you need us,” Yuuri says.

“I know,” Yuri says, fighting back the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m fine, really.”

“You aren’t fine, you’ve been sick for weeks.”

“Can you just drop it? I have a doctor’s appointment as soon as we get home. Just let me concentrate on this for now,” Yuri says, gritting his teeth as he steps onto the ice. 

Yuuri nods. “Okay. If you need to scale back today, that’s better than crashing. Just go with your instincts and remember you can make up for it tomorrow,” Yuuri says as Victor comes up beside him to give a few last minute pointers. 

Yuri skates out to the center of the ice feeling annoyed, partly with his coaches but mostly with himself. He should be glad they care so much, but they’re making it very hard to just keep it together and pretend everything is normal for a couple more days.

He feels sluggish as the music starts, struggling to keep up with the beat as he moves through his opening step sequence. He is really regretting including so many spins. He pulls out of a spin early as he feels his stomach turn and a planned triple axel turns into a double as he struggles through the second half of his program. By the time the music comes to an end he feels demoralized.

The room is still spinning as he sits in the kiss and cry awaiting his score. He can tell Victor is saying something to him but he can’t make it out as he wills himself to sit upright. He feels the all too familiar feeling of being about to vomit and starts frantically looking around for an exit. He catches Otabek’s eye and Otabek pulls a plastic bag out of nowhere and practically leaps the wall that is separating them to thrust it under his face just in time. 

He knows the cameras are still on him but at the moment there’s nothing he can do about it as he empties the little bit he still had in his stomach into the bag. When he looks up he catches a glimpse of his score and sees a new personal worst. Worse than when he was 17 and had just grown five inches and wasn’t sure what to do with his long limbs yet. 

"Well that was humiliating," Yuri says as they step out of the kiss and cry. He doesn't think it could've gone much worse. If this is what tomorrow is going to be like he might as well just go home before he can embarrass himself further.

“I would say it wasn’t that bad, but you would know I was lying,” Otabek says. “I’m sure you’ll do better tomorrow.”

“Well it’s not like I can do any worse,” Yuri says, sitting down on a bench to remove his skates.

“Maybe if you talk to the medic they can get you something for nausea?” Otabek says.

It’s worth a shot, anything to avoid a repeat of what just happened. The medics are professionals, they’ve probably seen worse, and it isn’t like they’re going to tell anyone. It might also be nice for the room to stop spinning. 

An hour later when Yuri’s nausea has nearly faded away from the anti-emetic medication and his strength is returning after being given some IV fluids, he knows he made the right decision. He only wishes he had thought to do this before the short program.

Otabek spends the evening fielding calls from his family asking if Yuri is okay, crushing any hope Yuri might have had that the cameras were turned off before he puked. It’s nice that they care. Yuri has never had much family of his own so visiting Otabek’s big family in Kazakhstan is overwhelming, but not in a bad way. He was worried at first that they would be upset with him for convincing Otabek to move to Russia until they both retire from skating, but instead they welcomed him into the family. 

On the day of the free skate, Yuri feels much better thanks to the medication he was given to hold him over until he gets home. The unfortunate part of being dead last in the short program is having to go first in the free skate. Yuri hates going first and it’s been years since the last time he had to do it. Going first means spending the rest of the competition waiting to see who is going to knock you off the podium. 

Since he’s feeling so much better he decides to change some of the jumps in his program to raise his technical score. It’s risky, but it’s the only chance he has at the podium. When the music starts he throws himself into it fully, skating as though it might be his last time on the ice. He feels almost possessed as he executes every jump and spin and step sequence flawlessly. As he steps into the kiss and cry he knows that if not for yesterday, that would have been a gold medal winning performance.

He watches as his competitors fall short until finally JJ pulls ahead only slightly knocking him down from gold. He can’t help but feel disappointed as he reminds himself that just yesterday he was sure he wouldn’t make the podium at all. Otabek is last to skate having come in first in the short program and Yuri is confident they will both be on the podium. 

When the final score is announced, Otabek’s combined score falls just short of Yuri, placing him in third and leaving Yuri with silver. Yuri is happy enough to have turned things around so well after yesterday that he almost doesn’t mind that JJ will be standing between them. Almost.

As he is standing on the podium listening to the Canadian national anthem, it hits him. If JJ can still come out on top even after missing half a season and dealing with the sleep deprivation that comes with bringing a one year old halfway across the world, who’s to say he can’t do the same? Sure, JJ wasn’t the one who gave birth, but that’s just details.

Yuri made a comeback from last place only to lose gold by one point. He skated through morning sickness and came out of it with silver. When the song ends and he watches JJ skate over to the side of the rink and drape his medal over his son’s head, all he can think about is how much he wants that. It’s crazy, it doesn’t make any sense, and it’s going to be a ton of work, but he is very sure about his decision. He wants this baby.

He catches Otabek’s eye as they exit the rink and waves him over, looking both ways to be sure nobody is close enough to listen in as he leans in and whispers “Let's do it. Let’s have a baby.” 

Without warning Otabek sweeps him up off his feet and spins him around not paying any attention to the people who have stopped to stare as he covers Yuri’s face in kisses. The public display of affection is unusual for the two of them, but at this moment Yuri can’t bring himself to care.

Making a decision is a weight off his chest. There is still a lot to be done and it’s only going to get harder from here, but when Yuri pictures his future he knows it will be worth it.


End file.
